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changes Constructive thinking life mentality and mental health season

Weight of Unintended Destruction

There are moments in life where it feels like every decision, every step forward, leaves behind nothing but chaos. The best intentions somehow spiral into missteps, and despite your deepest desire to build, nurture, or create, you’re left with the painful realization that things have fallen apart, often with others caught in the fallout.

For those who feel this way, it’s more than just a passing thought—it’s a lingering heaviness, a constant fear that despite your best efforts, you’re cursed by your own energy. This perception can be isolating, making it seem as though you’re trapped in a cycle of unintended destruction, damaging the very things you care about most.

The Struggle of Good Intentions

We’ve all heard the phrase, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” It speaks to the heart of this struggle—the idea that, despite your purest motives, the outcomes never seem to match the effort. You meant to help, but your words came out wrong. You tried to connect, but only created distance. You set out to fix something, but somehow made it worse. This disconnect between intention and outcome can feel disheartening, and over time, it fosters self-doubt.

When the gap between what you aim to do and what actually happens becomes a pattern, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and even shame. You start to question whether you’re inherently flawed, whether the things that go wrong are a reflection of who you are at your core. It’s a vicious cycle: the more you try to make things right, the more it feels like they go wrong.

Self-sabotage or Unconscious Patterns?

Sometimes, what feels like a curse is actually a result of unconscious patterns of behavior. We may be unaware of how certain habits, reactions, or insecurities contribute to the outcomes we fear most. If you feel like everything you touch falls apart, it could be worth examining the dynamics at play in these situations. Are there repeating patterns of communication breakdown? Are you inadvertently taking on too much, overcommitting, or neglecting to set boundaries?

Recognizing these patterns is crucial in understanding that it’s not necessarily a personal failing or “curse” but a series of habits or circumstances that can be changed. The first step to breaking free from this cycle is acknowledging that your actions, while well-intended, may need recalibration.

The Emotional Toll of Unintended Harm

When you believe that your actions continually result in harm, it can be emotionally exhausting. The weight of unintentional destruction can lead to withdrawing from relationships or opportunities, out of fear of repeating the same mistakes. You may isolate yourself to protect others from your perceived negative impact. But this only deepens the loneliness, reinforcing the belief that you are somehow dangerous to those around you.

The burden of feeling like you damage what you love often leads to internal conflict. On one hand, you crave connection, success, and peace; on the other, you fear that by pursuing these things, you might harm them. This paradox traps many in a cycle of self-doubt and retreat, believing that doing nothing is safer than risking further damage.

Breaking the Cycle

It’s important to remember that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, things fall apart. The key to breaking the cycle of feeling like you destroy everything you touch is compassion—compassion for yourself, and for the learning process of life. Every misstep is an opportunity for growth, and every “failure” is a chance to try again with more awareness.

Learning to forgive yourself for the things that didn’t go right is part of healing. This involves understanding that perfection is impossible, and that the hurt caused, though real, is not a reflection of who you are at your core. Mistakes don’t define you; how you respond to them does.

Rebuilding Trust in Yourself

Ultimately, the goal is to rebuild trust in your own abilities and decisions. This requires time, reflection, and often, vulnerability. It’s okay to admit when things have gone wrong, but it’s also important to allow yourself space to move forward without the baggage of past mistakes weighing you down. Surround yourself with people who understand your intentions, even when things don’t go as planned, and seek out opportunities to practice self-compassion.

Most importantly, remember that no one is “cursed.” We all struggle with finding the right balance between intention and outcome. With patience and self-awareness, you can start to see that your actions aren’t doomed to fail—you’re simply in the process of learning, like everyone else. And through that process, you can reclaim the ability to touch things not with fear, but with hope.

Categories
Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health season

A Lil Island

Off the coast of Nova Scotia, Canada, lies a small island known as Oak Island. This unassuming piece of land has been the center of one of the most enduring mysteries in maritime history – the legend of the Money Pit.

According to the tale, in the late 18th century, three young boys discovered a peculiar depression on the island’s surface. Intrigued, they began to dig, and as they delved deeper, they encountered layers of logs and stone markers, leading them to believe that they were on the trail of a buried treasure.

Over the centuries, numerous treasure hunters, including famed explorers and engineers, have attempted to unearth the supposed riches, only to be met with a series of ingenious traps and elaborate flood tunnels. Despite the relentless efforts and significant excavations, the treasure, if it indeed exists, remains tantalizingly out of reach.

The mystery of Oak Island’s Money Pit has sparked the imagination of explorers and enthusiasts for generations, with theories ranging from hidden pirate loot to ancient manuscripts or even connections to the Holy Grail. To this day, the island continues to lure adventurous souls in pursuit of the elusive fortune, making it a captivating and enigmatic chapter in the annals of island lore.

Back to the real concept now, In  life we create a little island, were we isolate ourselves with what goes around us , we just want the noise to be finally over for a short period of time. Not fully shut but just for until we manage to work our way around things.

We set boundaries, standards and guidelines to point out the dos and donts just in order to buy ourselves time to get our shit straight.

See the boundaries and the artifical island ain’t perfect and to some they may feel like we are selfish and we are anti social never knowing what’s really going on..

To some they are well aware of what’s going on and why there is an island but they are the ones who want to take a boat and come this side, sometimes it’s a good trip but some times it’s for a bad cause to just Lower the gap between the waters and the land.

The problem that arise in our lives create isolation and the isolation is the island, we have different ways of accepting the problem at hand. We accept and draw a way to proceed with tackling the problem.

But to others our ways of solving them may be Alittle kinda different from how they will normally tackle it, and this gap between our way of doing versus the way they will do its what causes conflicts and causing us to dry our islands dry. The words spoken cause us to lower our beliefs on solving our problems in our own ways.

Don’t get it twisted, but there’s power in collaborative problem solving and also there is power in adaptive and solo problem solving, see sometimes problems come our way not to be collaboratively solved.

There is a verse from the Good book that says, when temptations come our way, are within our abilities to be solved by us, this statement alone may help when we’re facing problems only when we believe in it .

With problems comes solutions, with solutions comes experiences and with experience comes sucess, let not your way of dealing with problems be messed up just by the words, action or somebody else’s way of solving problems.

Bless up
Emitty …

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health

Life = love + life

The Life, Love, and Leveling Up of an individuals
For most of us, it’s no secret that love conquers all. It makes life worth living—and it even lights up those dark corners of our hearts. But for those who are experiencing a difficult time in their relationship, the difficulties might be just what the doctor ordered — and not the end of the world. The truth is, most relationships don’t pan out as planned. And for those who do have a successful outcome, it’s often because they weren’t meant to be. In this article, we explore the six pillars of love: what they are and how to cultivate them in your life.

What is love?
Simply put, love is a feeling. It’s not a word, a concept, or even a thought. It’s an action. And the action is to connect with the one you love, no matter who that person is — whether that person is your spouse, your best friend, or your colleague. It’s to make space for them in your heart, mind, and calendar.

How to have love
To have love, you must have love. That’s it. That’s the entire situation. You don’t have to do anything else. It doesn’t matter if you spend your free time alone or with a partner — the very fact that you’re connected to another person makes you feel love.

Why do people have love?
There are two main factors that lead to the development of love. The first is mutual respect for one another. This is the foundation of any relationship. If someone doesn’t respect you — or, at the very least, doesn’t seem to appreciate what you have — then there’s no chance in hell of having love.

How to cultivate it in your life
There are a few ways to get your heart rate pumping and your mind thinking like an individual. It starts by choosing to love yourself first. Once you’ve validated that you are healthy and happy — then, it’s on to the question of how to love your partner. Here are a few ways to start: Express your love for yourself. Create a photo album with your love for yourself. Share it with anyone who’ll listen. Get involved in extracurricular activities or charitable causes that support your interests. Whatever it takes, make yourself happy. Improve your relationship with your partner. Spend more time together; read, write, and interact with each other; be more sensitive to one another’s needs; and show up more as a team.

Bottom line
Now that you’ve explored the six pillars of love, what are you waiting for? Start being you! When someone doesn’t love you back, it automatically suggests that they don’t want to be with you. That means it — and the challenges that come with it — are real. You’re not alone. The people in your life who struggle are the ones who need to connect with themselves and validate that they love themselves. Keep in mind that it’s okay to be imperfect — because being imperfect is who you are. And while you may feel bad for the way that you feel sometimes, it doesn’t mean that you have to put up with unfair or negative treatment from other people. In fact, that kind of behavior towards others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-blame. So, instead of feeling shame or shamefacedness, just realize that you’re just naturally attracted to those who you think have what you want in life — and who you think you can please. The more you connect with yourself and validate that you love yourself, the easier it will be for you to connect with your partner. Eventually, something will grow between you two and you’ll know you’re meant to be together.

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health

Work for it.

Well I was opportune to travel to a certain city for a team capacity building and the travelling was fine, but my task was with the media committee..

Well pre the training we had to set some stationeries to be used inside the training, example the training banner, notepads, name tags and even the layout for some templates for the training.

Then the issue of coverage and photo and memories keeping we needed a camera. Well the process was at first easy since I and the team were to move to a different region it would have been logical to go get a camera from the place we were going..

Well that wasn’t the best idea well the best move was us moving with our tools but we didn’t and that was fine at first . 

They say if you fail to prepare you prepare to fail, and that’s what happened, see we thought that it would be easy to get equipments just because once we had a project in that region and we were able to acquire equipments, little did we know that time is a varying factor ..

We failed to acquire equipments not because we didn’t have money to rent it but just because we didn’t have the right people to sign off as collateral for us to get it..

We even tried putting our items on bond but it didn’t  work out.. THAT’S A WORLD LESSON RIGHT HERE.

See its not what you have,it’s what people have on you. Some people have blackmail abilities just because what they have on you is too much for the world around you to know.

But let’s talk about TRUST, they failed to rent out the equipments we want just because they didn’t trust us, even though the one that sent us to the place knew the place but they fail to give us the equipments just because they didn’t trust us.

Trust is something we have to work for. You can’t just build trust out of the blues, we have to work for it..

How many times have we work for something in our lives ? What was that one thing you wanted on spot and failed to get it until you had to work for it..

Just as trust is, some other abstract concepts in life you’ve to work alot in life. That’s what is required. We have to work for it, nothing comes easy in life, easy is bad.

Bless up
Emitty

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health

Build or Break

build (/bɪld/)
construct (something) by putting parts or material together.

Similar: construct, erect, put up, assemble, set up, raise, make, fabricate, form, manufacture, create, fashion, model, mould, shape, forge, knock together

Opposite: demolish, destroy,

make stronger or more intense.
“we built up confidence in our abilities”

Similar: boost, strengthen, increase, improve, invigorate, augment, raise, intensify, enhance, escalate, multiply, swell, beef up

the proportions of a person’s or animal’s body.
“she was of medium height and slim build”

Similar: physique, frame, body, figure,form, structure, shape, make-up, formation

All the above is inspired by a line of statement on a very good lovely friend I have, build or break that she wrote on her timeline.

In life we get alot of things that troubles us, I can share what I go through or even If we had a dialogue of what you going through honestly without any secrecy,I know I’ll hear alot from you.

Let’s not talk about that but what you go through can either BUILD or BREAK.

In college, there is an allowance offered by the government to students and most of the students are given the same amount of money for the whole semester. The money comes into two portion.

Most of us we are facing the financial balance difficulties but what makes us going is the fact that there is next time in two months and you’ll get money.

The situation of waiting builds  most of us into a stage of planning and placing of budget so that when the money comes it will be effectively. That’s to most of us

But in life everything may be off balance and everything hitting you may seem new to you and you thinking that everything is after you to break you..

Financial problems, health issues, social troubles,spiritual difficulties and many more these are many in the list of things that can really question  your mentality and make you feel broken. 

They say anything that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, that’s what we should take out of any situation, we are here not for a smooth life, but to be tested and to know our limits.

Inorder to live and reach the point to know our capabilities we have to undergo the processes that will break us into ways we can’t even understand, but it’s in these situations we learn to build ourselves up better and stronger.

The good book says, no challenge comes to you too heavy for you to handle,  and through every challenge there is an exit. We need to build ourselves through challenges.

For the challenges are there to stay, they can’t go away all by them selves but through solving them. Just like building a LEGO one block at a time, so is the same as tackling challenges one problem at a time..

Bless up
Emitty…

Categories
changes Constructive thinking life mentality and mental health

Why Do you do it ?

Based on all things people that people know or think they know what we do. The question will be why do you do it ??? Why do you do what you do ?

See the first answer from alot of people they will aim to go for love, I love what I do that’s why I do it.  This is an answer but it’s not very heavy to the intensity of the question asked.. 

Love is a feeling , feelings are best felt and not explained. So you can’t do something just because you feel it, there is more to that than  just love. By the way we accredit stupid things out of love, when someone does something stupid the common answer is  s/he did out of love ..

So in search of answers let’s ask ourselves this can we do something that we have never seen it before, larger portion is a no,  where we are, the environment will dictate what we do, because the environment plays a bigger portion into forcing us to do what we do.

In my neighbourhood I Live next to a couple actually were once a couple and were blessed a kid named X. They were happy at first and they were always in touch with us, a matter of fact we before moving to the place, the offered a portion of land inorder for as to make room for the construction materials

Also they were so generous a matter of facts some materials we used were stored at their spot. Time went on and we had this environment that we spend time with X play and fool around all these because the environment was fine

But then came dark times ( of course every good story must have a twist.) The father of X became a drunkard. I don’t know if its the movie drunkard master that gave him vibe but I guess the environment that he positioned himself to got him an alcohol addict..

After the house was done, wanted to know where the couple were, to find that the father sent away his wife and the kid had to dropout of school so he could take care of his siblings.

The point is that his environment changed and what he does is because of his environment..

Question: Why do you do ?
Me: Do what ??
Them: community stuff and all that?.
Me: No apparent reason…

But to be honest, I do that because I’m scared, scared of the fact that no one else can understand what I feel and see,  this is because of feelings are felt differently and nobody knows what I feel even if I tell them what I feel .

I’m scared that if I don’t fix the environment then my kids or their kids will live in a portion that I failed to create, a portion  I failed to correct, I do that because I’m scared of what I see the role that a changed environment has to the development of anything, to a change that has to be seen.

So I do what I do not out of love but to protect what I love and will come to love for them to find a smooth environment that won’t help them have to change inorder to survive…

Bless up
Emitty

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health

Who Are You ?

Somebody came up to me and said who you’re, the question was very hard to answer but inorder to answer the person, I wanted to see from their point of view, what or how much they think (key point think) they know me.

See the people around you can never understand or know you to the 100 percent level, because from time to time it depends on what they are viewing you from..

I wouldn’t place the answer they gave for my personal sanity because its something  I didn’t except to get from them. Put from there I learnt there are alot of definitions of Who you Are to the people around you.

Never expect to get a clear and uniform answer from the people around you. You’re not a mathematics question thay your answer will always be constant,  you ain’t pie (3.14) that you will always be constantly getting same answer to people, I know its confusing though one of you but the answer are infinite..

On  an intro of one of the songs in my playlist it was actually a spoken word by Dorah, she outline several ways that people can define you. Just simple question WHO ARE YOU? can have a infinite answer mind you from the other people point of view.. 

People define us on how they do Comparison between us and them, success, worth and strength or the way we appear, or the behaviour we show them or our weakness, what we can’t offer to them get us defined or what we work on or the Money and net worth we have. All this causes the infinite ♾ definition on who we are , but they ain’t answers.

Even parents themselves have a predefined definition of who you are , they want to have a perfect picture of you, that sweet lovely young kid they hard before you in your teenage..

The people Point of view doesn’t matter but what matters is what you think you are, an ancient quote said “Be careful for how you say or speak to yourself because the samurai inside will be mannered by it”.

That is to say your mind is a samurai, samurai where an elite soldiers to get the job done by that time,  they can be compared with the navy seals, the point is the mind is a powerful place what you tell it can affect it greatly..

We are not defined by how we look,make, create, or work on, the difference is what defines us . What really define us or answers who you are, lies on YOU. You get to define yourself whether you get a straight strong definition or answer on who you’re or let people answer that and let that sink the samurai inside ..

Bless Up
Emitty

Categories
Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health season

Defined

School life has never been easy to some of us if not all of us,to the rest of us school has been a battleground constantly fighting. Whether for grades or social bonding, it was and still is a fight.

Well the true fight comes on mastering your lecturer or teacher, his or her approaches the likes and the dislikes that’s where things becomes hasty..

Well a short story was, and I know this is common having that one teacher each semester wanting you answering questions just has s/he has teacher a line by line word to word..

Well if he defined something as A you can’t write it as small “a” and expecting to score a mark from him or her. Inorder to pass his or her module we have to abide and go a word to word with what s/he has offered.

In life we face similar situations, I call it playing dumb, we tend to know what’s right and what’s not right but we still find ourselves living line by line and word to word.

In parallel with their definition of what we are, what we should be and even what we should do and how we should behave, and we find it okay thinking that we can’t do anything about it even if we try..

We are scared to break toxic routine just because of what has been predefined on us by others. Well am not a teacher or lecturer to tell you that you need to overcome that.

But just know even in school the best things or knowledge that sticks out in our mind is always the one that we have defined ourselves .

So it’s easier to make a further step forward with our own definition of routine, what we are, who we are and where we are going and at what pace we are moving. We have to refine the definition that are set on us…

Bless up
Emitty

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life & sports mentality and mental health

Defined

School life has never been easy to some of us if not all of us,to the rest of us school has been a battleground constantly fighting. Whether for grades or social bonding, it was and still is a fight.

Well the true fight comes on mastering your lecturer or teacher, his or her approaches the likes and the dislikes that’s where things becomes hasty..

Well a short story was, and I know this is common having that one teacher each semester wanting you answering questions just has s/he has teacher a line by line word to word..

Well if he defined something as A you can’t write it as small “a” and expecting to score a mark from him or her. Inorder to pass his or her module we have to abide and go a word to word with what s/he has offered.

In life we face similar situations, I call it playing dumb, we tend to know what’s right and what’s not right but we still find ourselves living line by line and word to word.

In parallel with their definition of what we are, what we should be and even what we should do and how we should behave, and we find it okay thinking that we can’t do anything about it even if we try..

We are scared to break toxic routine just because of what has been predefined on us by others. Well am not a teacher or lecturer to tell you that you need to overcome that.

But just know even in school the best things or knowledge that sticks out in our mind is always the one that we have defined ourselves .

So it’s easier to make a further step forward with our own definition of routine, what we are, who we are and where we are going and at what pace we are moving. We have to refine the definition that are set on us…

Bless up
Emitty

Categories
life season

Grieve

(To all soldiers rested after fighting a great war called life, we pray in one form and firm belief that you rest peacefully and the ways that you have shown us through the way you have lived, we shall live in accordance and just as the way you’ve shown it to us..)

Is it safe to say we differ interms of how we handle things? Whether it’s a good thing or bad thing we must differ.

Why? Simply is because feelings are felt and its just a state that we clearly have to differ in how we react.

A person being sad, or crying or even laughing in a grieving season that doesn’t mean the one who is laughing is not grieving. Or the one crying is the one with the most loss. Or the one sad is the neutrality.

As a fact, before any person can show emotion its by default interpreted by the brain and then  the outward expression is given. So sad news can come and a positive energy.

A person laughing its doesn’t mean s/he doesn’t feel the grieve but maybe the interpretation has brought some good memories worthy to be remembered and s/he smiles because it means they once enjoyed the moment.

A person can also cry because the interpretation has come with the memory is hard to replace the void created or the source of happiness is gone and it will take time to heal.

Same as all other things in life, we have to agree that we differ in interpretation, and hence we should stop comparison against each other, and just be ourselves .

In remembrance
Paschal Otto Bundala & other rested soldiers
(1974 – 2022)

Signed Emitty.

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