Tag: growth

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changes Constructive thinking life mentality and mental health season

Weight of Unintended Destruction

There are moments in life where it feels like every decision, every step forward, leaves behind nothing but chaos. The best intentions somehow spiral into missteps, and despite your deepest desire to build, nurture, or create, you’re left with the painful realization that things have fallen apart, often with others caught in the fallout.

For those who feel this way, it’s more than just a passing thought—it’s a lingering heaviness, a constant fear that despite your best efforts, you’re cursed by your own energy. This perception can be isolating, making it seem as though you’re trapped in a cycle of unintended destruction, damaging the very things you care about most.

The Struggle of Good Intentions

We’ve all heard the phrase, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” It speaks to the heart of this struggle—the idea that, despite your purest motives, the outcomes never seem to match the effort. You meant to help, but your words came out wrong. You tried to connect, but only created distance. You set out to fix something, but somehow made it worse. This disconnect between intention and outcome can feel disheartening, and over time, it fosters self-doubt.

When the gap between what you aim to do and what actually happens becomes a pattern, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and even shame. You start to question whether you’re inherently flawed, whether the things that go wrong are a reflection of who you are at your core. It’s a vicious cycle: the more you try to make things right, the more it feels like they go wrong.

Self-sabotage or Unconscious Patterns?

Sometimes, what feels like a curse is actually a result of unconscious patterns of behavior. We may be unaware of how certain habits, reactions, or insecurities contribute to the outcomes we fear most. If you feel like everything you touch falls apart, it could be worth examining the dynamics at play in these situations. Are there repeating patterns of communication breakdown? Are you inadvertently taking on too much, overcommitting, or neglecting to set boundaries?

Recognizing these patterns is crucial in understanding that it’s not necessarily a personal failing or “curse” but a series of habits or circumstances that can be changed. The first step to breaking free from this cycle is acknowledging that your actions, while well-intended, may need recalibration.

The Emotional Toll of Unintended Harm

When you believe that your actions continually result in harm, it can be emotionally exhausting. The weight of unintentional destruction can lead to withdrawing from relationships or opportunities, out of fear of repeating the same mistakes. You may isolate yourself to protect others from your perceived negative impact. But this only deepens the loneliness, reinforcing the belief that you are somehow dangerous to those around you.

The burden of feeling like you damage what you love often leads to internal conflict. On one hand, you crave connection, success, and peace; on the other, you fear that by pursuing these things, you might harm them. This paradox traps many in a cycle of self-doubt and retreat, believing that doing nothing is safer than risking further damage.

Breaking the Cycle

It’s important to remember that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, things fall apart. The key to breaking the cycle of feeling like you destroy everything you touch is compassion—compassion for yourself, and for the learning process of life. Every misstep is an opportunity for growth, and every “failure” is a chance to try again with more awareness.

Learning to forgive yourself for the things that didn’t go right is part of healing. This involves understanding that perfection is impossible, and that the hurt caused, though real, is not a reflection of who you are at your core. Mistakes don’t define you; how you respond to them does.

Rebuilding Trust in Yourself

Ultimately, the goal is to rebuild trust in your own abilities and decisions. This requires time, reflection, and often, vulnerability. It’s okay to admit when things have gone wrong, but it’s also important to allow yourself space to move forward without the baggage of past mistakes weighing you down. Surround yourself with people who understand your intentions, even when things don’t go as planned, and seek out opportunities to practice self-compassion.

Most importantly, remember that no one is “cursed.” We all struggle with finding the right balance between intention and outcome. With patience and self-awareness, you can start to see that your actions aren’t doomed to fail—you’re simply in the process of learning, like everyone else. And through that process, you can reclaim the ability to touch things not with fear, but with hope.

Categories
Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health season

A Lil Island

Off the coast of Nova Scotia, Canada, lies a small island known as Oak Island. This unassuming piece of land has been the center of one of the most enduring mysteries in maritime history – the legend of the Money Pit.

According to the tale, in the late 18th century, three young boys discovered a peculiar depression on the island’s surface. Intrigued, they began to dig, and as they delved deeper, they encountered layers of logs and stone markers, leading them to believe that they were on the trail of a buried treasure.

Over the centuries, numerous treasure hunters, including famed explorers and engineers, have attempted to unearth the supposed riches, only to be met with a series of ingenious traps and elaborate flood tunnels. Despite the relentless efforts and significant excavations, the treasure, if it indeed exists, remains tantalizingly out of reach.

The mystery of Oak Island’s Money Pit has sparked the imagination of explorers and enthusiasts for generations, with theories ranging from hidden pirate loot to ancient manuscripts or even connections to the Holy Grail. To this day, the island continues to lure adventurous souls in pursuit of the elusive fortune, making it a captivating and enigmatic chapter in the annals of island lore.

Back to the real concept now, In  life we create a little island, were we isolate ourselves with what goes around us , we just want the noise to be finally over for a short period of time. Not fully shut but just for until we manage to work our way around things.

We set boundaries, standards and guidelines to point out the dos and donts just in order to buy ourselves time to get our shit straight.

See the boundaries and the artifical island ain’t perfect and to some they may feel like we are selfish and we are anti social never knowing what’s really going on..

To some they are well aware of what’s going on and why there is an island but they are the ones who want to take a boat and come this side, sometimes it’s a good trip but some times it’s for a bad cause to just Lower the gap between the waters and the land.

The problem that arise in our lives create isolation and the isolation is the island, we have different ways of accepting the problem at hand. We accept and draw a way to proceed with tackling the problem.

But to others our ways of solving them may be Alittle kinda different from how they will normally tackle it, and this gap between our way of doing versus the way they will do its what causes conflicts and causing us to dry our islands dry. The words spoken cause us to lower our beliefs on solving our problems in our own ways.

Don’t get it twisted, but there’s power in collaborative problem solving and also there is power in adaptive and solo problem solving, see sometimes problems come our way not to be collaboratively solved.

There is a verse from the Good book that says, when temptations come our way, are within our abilities to be solved by us, this statement alone may help when we’re facing problems only when we believe in it .

With problems comes solutions, with solutions comes experiences and with experience comes sucess, let not your way of dealing with problems be messed up just by the words, action or somebody else’s way of solving problems.

Bless up
Emitty …

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Constructive thinking graduate's depression mentality and mental health

Jan “30” uary

School is hard that’s a fact,

From 8 to more hours, more than our minds can hold in classes

Plenty of subjects to study just because of the idea of getting employed or starting a business.

With all the ideas revolving around school Issa mess. Keeping up semester after semester just for graduation, the pressure building up and how we fight the fear of failing while listening to motivational speeches that success is created by failures and giving ourselves hope that AAL IS WELL.

Well, we develop a circle based on our day-to-day interaction and made ideas into reality just because got people to believe in the ideas. support is one thing I learn from these people in my circle.

See we have social media that keeps us close but yet creates distance with the people close to us.

I would like to introduce to you one undefined friend that I met back then, see back then she wasn’t that close, confused eeh (?)

I call her Dummy Ra I don’t know where this comes from but I know that this sounds better when we talk over the phone or just text.  Other names are Tutankhamun, sky laurel, Elle, and many more. She’s a lot of things but one that keeps popping is the POET inside her, she has her ways with lyrics and words that can heal souls and change lives

(is it true?) yes because she has changed mine on several occasions. 

What started as an academic competition got me tight and learning more from her without even knowing that. They say life Is better lived forward but can be understood backward. Many years after starting and living with Dummy I’ve been in a constant learning environment.

Top lessons learned from SKY LAUREL

1. Mental Health 

I started by saying the distance caused by social media, but let’s just say social media plays a great role.

A new use of social media is to associate what we feel to what we see in our feeds and also tagging a person on a post shows appreciation or a call for them to view the content faster.

Recently received a social tag from her, into a carousel post which explained some points that showed if a person was good for your mental health, six points on the carousel. 

Well was truly honored to receive the Tag, but deep down I would have replied to the carousel as follows. (* just teasing *)

Some of the points to recall were as follows

[ ] They don’t try to change you. (/ why change a grown person, muacheee 🤣 /)

[ ] You feel understood and safe around them (it’s because having guns isn’t legal, would you be feeling safe if  I had a gun ?)

[ ] They push you to do your best and overcome obstacles (very lucky that there are no cliffs in WhatsApp we would have pushed you more )

[ ] You feel comfortable sharing personal things  (I’ll pass on this with a no comment)

[ ] They don’t care about anything surface -money, looks, possessions.  (We don’t have anything no money no what so we have to settle for no money and no looks too. 🤣🤣🤣)

This just shows that there are things that we do that people take beneficial for their mental health but we fail to realize them. In a world that people are constantly battling anxiety, depression, and more you have you play your part and be the one person who is good for their mental health.

2. Commitment

Apart from her being a POET by hobby and interests she’s a 4th Year student taking Architecture Technology at a university that is termed as the most hardest institute in terms of academic stuff and she has survived there for four good years, I would personally share her CV here but lets leave that for another day, School aside cause the fact of that gets me goosebumps she’s a astro or anything related to astronomy  enthusiast, she might be short but her dreams and ideas are way over that height of hers and mine even. She’s also a verified smile giver and this came to light when she became the coordinator for our RESCUE THE FORGOTTEN projects in Mbeya with more than 5+ projects and counting done under her watch.

One might ask all these and she’s just a student, how does she do this, well the answer is Commitment, she’s one hell of a fighter and never makes a promise she can’t make it go through.

3. Society first

I feel like am stalking her, is it wrong? I don’t know. But here is the inside truth of this lesson being her friend for many years got me see and learn a lot from her. If I were kidnap here I would say the best way is just arrange a society-centered activity and call her to attend from there its easy just to kidnap her, this is because she’s super committed to put her community first.

In an academic level we hope that a normal student has to go through some stuff just in the name of graduating but she has made that her education is to make her community come first and she has made a last year research project about her community. With school breathing her neck she still organizes project that is society centered and society oriented.

4. Life is a gift.

During corona aka covid-19, was the hardest time for most of us because it being a new season and we weren’t ready for the new season. For some of us were not even over the fact that we were in at end of some season (this is because each season ends and the ends is where newthe  begins) CCOVID-19 got us winding our normal into some new normal

Will still rethinking my options a popped-up information from Dummy entered with a link to a YouTube clip titled WHO ARE YOU(?)

There are no words that can explain how that day I was off my chi and shaken from the core, with everything going just quick no schools and just chillaxing homat e. (You can relate) the clip title got Me pause and wanted me to answer that from my perspective. 

I won’t lie i dIdn’t got a suitable answer that day but it paved away for alot of uncomfortable conversations that I had with myself that made me comfortable to seek and use them from time to time and look where I’m, and all that is just because I want to answer this. “Who Are you?”

Have you found the answer to this simple but yet complicated question?

5. Anchor and support.

With life never being fair, it’s easy to lose where you’re heading, focus fades and anxiety kicks in. Being a student isn’t all white, what is released is that it has more blacks more than it being white. You may have this perfect lay out of how you are going to go through one semester after the other and school life has a way to give you new set of fresh heepee jeepes.

But when assignments kick in, projects eating you up, unbalanced social life, your economic status is rough on ya, friends need support but then fail to be there for them, all things and resolutions that you’ve kept all going drain.

What do you do (?) Who’s your support where do you anchor all that (?)?

She has often show me the impact to have an anchor and a neutral point that always helps out when you’re constantly shaking and fighting anxiety and many more.

There is a lot to talk about in terms  of lesson about her but let me just say no matter who you will meet, never account her or his standards not his or her ability because we learn always from everyone we meet daily.

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health season

GROWING UP

It was early this morning when I went to this School asking about admitting a new student for the new academic year. They explained to me everything and told m what is required and what the kid is supposed to do before going to School. And I was done there. I Left and went to take care of some issues. On my way back home came this picture in my mind. Taking the kid to school and starts crying when I am about to leave her there. This took me back to the years when my dad or mom or the house helper used to take me to school and when we reached at school,the moment they start saying goodbye I used to cry a lot that at times they get to sit outside my class for a while for me to Know that the are still there and after a while when am calm they get to leave. When I turn to look at the window and don’t see them I start crying again. It has always been that way until I got used to school.

From this I came up with this

Sometimes, growing requires you to be left alone so as you can learn how to stand on your own and get to move and grow bigger and better

Even tho it will lead you to shade tears but in the end you’ll need to get used to that and stand and just keep going

As days keep going you’ll get used to the environment and find it fine and you’ll get to grow wider wanting to have more and achieve more. After you done with one thing you’d want to go on with another and get better and better, just like when we were still young and wished to get to certain levels of education and we got there and still want to go further

So yeah, the process’ never easy but in the end we still have to get where we want to be

Bless up

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health

Life = love + life

The Life, Love, and Leveling Up of an individuals
For most of us, it’s no secret that love conquers all. It makes life worth living—and it even lights up those dark corners of our hearts. But for those who are experiencing a difficult time in their relationship, the difficulties might be just what the doctor ordered — and not the end of the world. The truth is, most relationships don’t pan out as planned. And for those who do have a successful outcome, it’s often because they weren’t meant to be. In this article, we explore the six pillars of love: what they are and how to cultivate them in your life.

What is love?
Simply put, love is a feeling. It’s not a word, a concept, or even a thought. It’s an action. And the action is to connect with the one you love, no matter who that person is — whether that person is your spouse, your best friend, or your colleague. It’s to make space for them in your heart, mind, and calendar.

How to have love
To have love, you must have love. That’s it. That’s the entire situation. You don’t have to do anything else. It doesn’t matter if you spend your free time alone or with a partner — the very fact that you’re connected to another person makes you feel love.

Why do people have love?
There are two main factors that lead to the development of love. The first is mutual respect for one another. This is the foundation of any relationship. If someone doesn’t respect you — or, at the very least, doesn’t seem to appreciate what you have — then there’s no chance in hell of having love.

How to cultivate it in your life
There are a few ways to get your heart rate pumping and your mind thinking like an individual. It starts by choosing to love yourself first. Once you’ve validated that you are healthy and happy — then, it’s on to the question of how to love your partner. Here are a few ways to start: Express your love for yourself. Create a photo album with your love for yourself. Share it with anyone who’ll listen. Get involved in extracurricular activities or charitable causes that support your interests. Whatever it takes, make yourself happy. Improve your relationship with your partner. Spend more time together; read, write, and interact with each other; be more sensitive to one another’s needs; and show up more as a team.

Bottom line
Now that you’ve explored the six pillars of love, what are you waiting for? Start being you! When someone doesn’t love you back, it automatically suggests that they don’t want to be with you. That means it — and the challenges that come with it — are real. You’re not alone. The people in your life who struggle are the ones who need to connect with themselves and validate that they love themselves. Keep in mind that it’s okay to be imperfect — because being imperfect is who you are. And while you may feel bad for the way that you feel sometimes, it doesn’t mean that you have to put up with unfair or negative treatment from other people. In fact, that kind of behavior towards others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-blame. So, instead of feeling shame or shamefacedness, just realize that you’re just naturally attracted to those who you think have what you want in life — and who you think you can please. The more you connect with yourself and validate that you love yourself, the easier it will be for you to connect with your partner. Eventually, something will grow between you two and you’ll know you’re meant to be together.

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health

Build or Break

build (/bɪld/)
construct (something) by putting parts or material together.

Similar: construct, erect, put up, assemble, set up, raise, make, fabricate, form, manufacture, create, fashion, model, mould, shape, forge, knock together

Opposite: demolish, destroy,

make stronger or more intense.
“we built up confidence in our abilities”

Similar: boost, strengthen, increase, improve, invigorate, augment, raise, intensify, enhance, escalate, multiply, swell, beef up

the proportions of a person’s or animal’s body.
“she was of medium height and slim build”

Similar: physique, frame, body, figure,form, structure, shape, make-up, formation

All the above is inspired by a line of statement on a very good lovely friend I have, build or break that she wrote on her timeline.

In life we get alot of things that troubles us, I can share what I go through or even If we had a dialogue of what you going through honestly without any secrecy,I know I’ll hear alot from you.

Let’s not talk about that but what you go through can either BUILD or BREAK.

In college, there is an allowance offered by the government to students and most of the students are given the same amount of money for the whole semester. The money comes into two portion.

Most of us we are facing the financial balance difficulties but what makes us going is the fact that there is next time in two months and you’ll get money.

The situation of waiting builds  most of us into a stage of planning and placing of budget so that when the money comes it will be effectively. That’s to most of us

But in life everything may be off balance and everything hitting you may seem new to you and you thinking that everything is after you to break you..

Financial problems, health issues, social troubles,spiritual difficulties and many more these are many in the list of things that can really question  your mentality and make you feel broken. 

They say anything that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, that’s what we should take out of any situation, we are here not for a smooth life, but to be tested and to know our limits.

Inorder to live and reach the point to know our capabilities we have to undergo the processes that will break us into ways we can’t even understand, but it’s in these situations we learn to build ourselves up better and stronger.

The good book says, no challenge comes to you too heavy for you to handle,  and through every challenge there is an exit. We need to build ourselves through challenges.

For the challenges are there to stay, they can’t go away all by them selves but through solving them. Just like building a LEGO one block at a time, so is the same as tackling challenges one problem at a time..

Bless up
Emitty…

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health

Who Are You ?

Somebody came up to me and said who you’re, the question was very hard to answer but inorder to answer the person, I wanted to see from their point of view, what or how much they think (key point think) they know me.

See the people around you can never understand or know you to the 100 percent level, because from time to time it depends on what they are viewing you from..

I wouldn’t place the answer they gave for my personal sanity because its something  I didn’t except to get from them. Put from there I learnt there are alot of definitions of Who you Are to the people around you.

Never expect to get a clear and uniform answer from the people around you. You’re not a mathematics question thay your answer will always be constant,  you ain’t pie (3.14) that you will always be constantly getting same answer to people, I know its confusing though one of you but the answer are infinite..

On  an intro of one of the songs in my playlist it was actually a spoken word by Dorah, she outline several ways that people can define you. Just simple question WHO ARE YOU? can have a infinite answer mind you from the other people point of view.. 

People define us on how they do Comparison between us and them, success, worth and strength or the way we appear, or the behaviour we show them or our weakness, what we can’t offer to them get us defined or what we work on or the Money and net worth we have. All this causes the infinite ♾ definition on who we are , but they ain’t answers.

Even parents themselves have a predefined definition of who you are , they want to have a perfect picture of you, that sweet lovely young kid they hard before you in your teenage..

The people Point of view doesn’t matter but what matters is what you think you are, an ancient quote said “Be careful for how you say or speak to yourself because the samurai inside will be mannered by it”.

That is to say your mind is a samurai, samurai where an elite soldiers to get the job done by that time,  they can be compared with the navy seals, the point is the mind is a powerful place what you tell it can affect it greatly..

We are not defined by how we look,make, create, or work on, the difference is what defines us . What really define us or answers who you are, lies on YOU. You get to define yourself whether you get a straight strong definition or answer on who you’re or let people answer that and let that sink the samurai inside ..

Bless Up
Emitty

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health

Who’s fault is it

Its another beautiful morning today. I thank God for giving the grace of attending the first service today. So when was on my way back home I was just walking along the road then over a sudden a guy from behind me just greeted, “Hi”. I had to turn back to know who that person was, it was a guy a know, just a guy around the neighborhood and I hied back to him. As we were walking the guy was smoking and I was like it’s so too early for him to be doing this, this was just in my head. So I had to ask him what’s the benefit of that he replied “it has no benefits honestly and I can’t stop smoking ” I was like “ooh really” then he said ” I got this friends of mine who taught me how to but I now wonder that they ain’t smoking anymore” and I told him so why can’t you stop and be just like them “No I can’t stop I just can’t” , do you know how bad it is for your health especially your lungs “Yes, nicotine I what I get from this and I can’t stop, it’s satan who is making me” and I was like whoa whoa whoa man hold it there satan! Are you for real? so Satan is the one who made you do this. You know you really don’t have to blame Satan in any of this because you are the who made such a decision to get to where you are now and to what you are doing right now

What am I trying to say here is

many of us have been blaming satan for the mistakes we do or for situations we get ourselves in and we be like it’s satan who made me do this on the contrary it’s been our fault all way long we get to decide without thinking of what the outcome would be. So sometimes we just have seat and look back to where we made it go wrong and get to fix it than just saying the statement it’s Satan who made me do this

You have a great day. Bless up

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge life mentality and mental health

Give it

Being in a world where every day the technology increase and the demand on the market is portable and slim designs in everything made.

There are always problems and the problems present needs solutions we all have to agree on that, if you can solve a problem then you make profit.

Technology, men that’s broad and that’s hard to explain. But all things that place in the tech industry are all made from observation made from the environment that is around us.

Let’s take an example of problems and the lesson drawn from it, have a file that you wanna send it from one computer to another the reasonable way its just to send using the flash drive or the ethernet and many more others.

The lesson drawn from all that is sharing. Well that’s not hard to define because it is more of a move of anything from one point to another, just its the movement.

The movement is not hard to define but the action is different its easy for us human beings to make demands that somethings have to be shared. But we can’t share what we have .

But people do share, and from a technical point of view there are alot of ways that define the way we share things.

Usb sharing: for the IT personnel this is a method of sharing and it’s grouped into one to multipoint. A single file in one computer can be placed inside a flash drive to be shared across many computers.

People’s way of sharing can be like a usb, we acquire what we want to share from one place and then share at a time. The problem is that this sharing needs alittle bit of patience. Since you need to share with one entity at a time and also the ability is limited, some people ability of receiving is limited and hence the sharing capabilities too.

Extension cable sharing: this is more of my a bridge it taps to a source or point and according to its slots it can then allow other devices to tap in a get power. Also it’s a bridge and can also act as a source to create another bridge

So this method Is mostly needed in the community but it’s not always there, people tend to receive first then give, which is a good thing but we have to understand that when you give you get a room to recieve it’s a basic math.. as you get you give is equals to a room empty available for receiving.

We have to learn and unlearn all about sharing its not a must to give interms of financial or material wise but also we can give the intangible things a smile, time love and alot of other things.

Someone cant reach everyone, but everyone can reach someone. We need to be more of an extension cable rather than a flash drive kinda people…

Bless up
Emitty

Categories
changes Constructive thinking knowledge mentality and mental health season

Purposely Placed

I don’t know how to put this but before, when what I was seeking was social approval, instant gratification and peace from people around, life was tough, how?

Before we head there, ” let me place this what determines your peace determines your sadness and your level of disappointment – Pst Steven Furtick” In simple words where you place your happiness is where disappointment happens and also source of problems.

If it go cost my peace its an expensive shit don’t disturb me please ( I don’t know if I have captured it fresh but its from Adekunle Gold)

Back to the main story, I was easily moved to different spots, I used the same methods as they used some people before me to be gratify by the society or approved. I was so in pain when a person could outbeat me in something and I was super competitive just to be seen I’m present. I would have do anything just to be seen in a room full of People.

But have come to realise that when you’re not place to do something you’ll never find peace in what you do, disappointments will always be your portion.

Am I there yet no, why am I sharing then if am not there it’s just have come to learn you have to be open, to know that what you will always do no matter what scale it’s there will be a person doing bigger than you but yours is unique just because its done by you.

Never compare you with someone else and just know the aim of you is to have peace inside and not social gratification, that’s the main key keep that.

For there is a great reward in what you do alone and satisfied from inside than what you do and satisfy the societies around us. There is a great cost to satisfy a society than to satisfy yourself

Bless Up
Emitty

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